Next One…..Jack and Ashley!

Our next wedding is in May in Kentucky. Both Jack and Ashley work for PureLife Ministries in Kentucky for Pastor Steve and Kathy Gallagher. It was wonderful having them here this past weekend getting to know Jack a little more.

Great Article on being a Mother-In-Law

As a new mother-in-law I desire to build the relationship not tear it down. I need all the help I can get. Here is a great article I found from Nancy Wilson’s Femina blog…..

http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/03/the-mother-in-law/

I am excited to continue to grow in this new phase of life. I now have a daughter-in-law, Halannah, married to our oldest son, Taylor, who is expecting our first grandchild and Jack, our son-in-law married to our oldest daughter, Ashley, who we are praying will be expecting our second grandchild soon…..that is my will not the Lords yet for them .

Halannah comes and spends time with me two nights a month for dinner. It gives us a chance to get to know one another. I love hearing her stories of the walk of courtship she and Taylor had. Their ups and downs and the learning to love the Lord through it. Growing more in love with her as we learn about one another. She is like mine now and is growing in her faith as a young married woman. God has deepened their faith because they lost their first child. They married young and wanted to start a family and they felt they were ready so we supported them and decided that although they were young, they were doing it right so we came along side of them to help them not try to convince them they were wrong.

Taylor and Halannah came to us a week after they married and said they felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit and confirmation by the Word of God that they should be debt free and leave their family planning up to the Lord. They paid the one bill they had and went off birth control that week. That night I cried because how could such a gracious Lord allow me to be a grandmother sometime soon. That is what this site is all about, Leaving a Legacy of love to our children and down to the grandchildren. It happened sooner than we thought. I was humbled when they first called my husband “grandpa” when all our friends were around. He said “what!”. We were very excited for them. They had been chided a little through all of us family and friends about wanting many children, they want 10, so when Taylor called me at 6am in the morning when Halannah was about 6 weeks pregnant and said she had been bleeding all night, my heart became still and I just prayed first for them, then for me. I had personally never experienced a miscarriage and I was deeply affected. Eric and I went to their house and we looked into their sweet faces and saw the sadness. It was probably one of the most difficult moments of my life as a mother to these young adults, my children, heartbroken like this. They had these big brown eyes full of tears hoping for the best outcome, that this was normal and that Halannah and the baby would be ok. We prayed and believed with them. But in the end, they lost this first baby. When you want to grab your son and take away the pain and can’t because you as a mother-in-law are now in a different place, how hard it is. Now, they are pregnant again and the mommy and baby are very healthy and she is now over 8 weeks along. How bittersweet this lesson was for me. How it matured these young adults in their walk with the Lord. I will keep you posted on new events of our lives.

Michelle

Just Married!

Taylor and Halannah!

The family….all of us. Skylar, Krystin, Eric, Me, Taylor, Ashley, Alexis, Cody and Caleb.

We now have our oldest son married and on their honeymoon. It was wonderful to watch the wedding unfold before my eyes. There were candles everywhere and when they spoke their vows, it was wonderful to behold. How could I cry? God has given each of them to each other and we are blessed. They will have their ups and downs but overall, they are surrounded by a great support team.

God’s blessing will be on this marriage because they did it right. Their new home is filled with love and gifts that everyone gave them. They prayed together for months before this wedding and they are prepared to follow Biblical principles throughout their marriage.

Jack and Ashley are next

First Child Getting Married

It is amazing how time flies by. This is our oldest child, Taylor. His fiance is Halannah. We are very excited for this upcoming wedding. I will enter a new stage in life of being a mother-in-law. This shall be an interesting year as we have our second child a daughter marrying this upcoming May. Taylor moved out this last weekend. It was difficult to walk out our bedroom door and see his room empty. I have made many mistakes in my life but through the Lords mercies, I can now have peace with my wonderful son and his upcoming marriage. Halannah is a feisty young woman who loves the Lord like Taylor. I pray for this young woman who will be the mother of my grandchildren. I pray that I can leave a legacy for her as well. They are working on getting their new little house in order. Many wonderful people have helped to make this special for them. Pray for us as we take another journey.

Michelle

The Idols and Hypocrisy in the lives of Christian families need to be removed

Some of the leaders of Israel approached me and sat down with me.  GOD’s Message came to me:  “Son of Man, these people have installed idols in their hearts. They have embraced the wickedness that will ruin them. Why should I even bother with their prayers? Therefore tell them, “The Message of GOD, the Master: All in Israel who install idols in their hearts and embrace the wickedness that will ruin them and still have the gall to come to a prophet, be on notice: I, GOD, will step in and personally answer them as they come dragging along their mob of idols.  I am ready to go to work on the hearts of the house of Israel, all of whom have left me for their idols.’  “Therefore, say to the house of Israel: “GOD, the Master, says, Repent! Turn your backs on your no-god idols. Turn your backs on all your outrageous obscenities.

Ezekiel 14:1-6 THE MESSAGE

Where have all the little girls gone?

Over 12,000 fans screamed in ecstasy this last week as rocker Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, strutted her stuff on stage at the CenturyTel Center outside Shreveport, Louisiana. Most of the fans were little girls between the ages of 6-12. Outside the arena before the concert, thousands of little girls gathered in anticipation as speakers blared their favorite star’s biggest hits. Swinging their hips and mouthing the words to the hit, these girls could easily have been years older in their behavior and dress. One anxious fan, still missing her front teeth, lisped to a reporter how she was preparing to “go nuts” when she saw her beloved rock star. Huge earrings and eye shadow were the norm among these small girls. Their entire world had obviously been shaped and molded by the media-created sensation of Hannah Montana. As I watched the news video of the event, I was struck with sadness at what has become of the world of young girls today. The word “tragedy” comes to mind.http://www.sliceoflaodicea.com/?p=102

My Children

Our Personal Story: A Pastoral Family

Counseling Youth in Sexual Sin: When it’s Your Own Family

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Four and a half years ago, I was in my boys’ room helping my oldest son to find a church website. When I began to search for this site, I clicked on another link listed in the web browser and pornographic pictures began to load up on the page. I was completely shocked and yelled at the top of my lungs; which looking back is something that you should not do. “Taylor….Skylar…get up here now”. I yelled so strongly that my oldest daughter, Ashley, who was downstairs at the time, jolted and dropped the water she was boiling all down her leg. The scar is still there today.

Taylor, my oldest boy, walked upstairs with a pale, nervous face and stood behind me assuring me he knew nothing about it. Skylar, who was fourteen at the time, also came into the room, and I just remember thinking about how dazed he looked. He too denied that he was the user. Within about five minutes of intense conversation between us three, Skylar finally confessed that he was the one who accessed the pornography. I called my husband, Eric, in panic, and he came right home. Eric found at least one hundred if not more pictures in what is called the “cache”.

What we learned as parents that day is that we had opened up doors in our own home that caused deeply imbedded sins of masturbation and sexual lust. Our eyes were then unveiled to the things we had not seen, the things we did not know, and the things we had neglected. The question then becomes, “When a boy or girl grows up in a believing household does this mean he or she will not be hit by snares that could threaten him or her?” The questions that kept racing through our minds were these: “What had gone wrong in our pastoral home?” and, “What were we doing wrong as parents?”

When our oldest daughter, Ashley, was fifteen, we found her on the internet chatting to a man that was several years older than her. We discovered that she was telling him all kinds of lies about her personal life such as her age, her physical appearance, and what her bedroom linens consisted of. Here is a portion of her story with the masked name of “Tiffany.”

“Consider the fascinating story of Tiffany, now a 19-year old virgin who has never even kissed a guy. Her father is a devout pastor who went through pains to protect his kids from unholy influences. In spite of the godly leadership she received at home, she came close to a disaster …..Believe it or not, it started with animated movies” Create in Me a Clean Heart by Kathy Gallagher p32 Tiffany. We had at this time of the crisis, two sixteen year olds, one fifteen year old, one fourteen year old, one twelve year old, one eleven year old, and one nine year old.

Soon after the pornography of our son and the chat life of our daughter were exposed, our second oldest daughter, Krystin, came forward and revealed to us her own struggles. She writes: “It was a load that was getting too heavy to carry. At times I would feel pain in my soul, and I knew that I was dying, and that I had to confess. It took everything within me to gather up the courage to tell my parents that I had been masturbating and fantasizing for years of my young life. My struggle although confessed, did not end there. It was a long and painful battle and I knew only the Lord could fight it for me. I am amazed at the work that Jesus did in my mind and heart because at the time, I swore to myself that I could never be free.”

At this time, we were building a church and a newly blended family. We had many issues to deal with all at the same time. Battling the ups and downs of the church at that time, and then having to see what our children were really going through in this world and the battles they faced, almost drove us to insanity. We had to release them to the Lord, and surrender our complete dependence to Him in these times of trials.

The first thing I chose to do as a mother was pray and locate Scriptures on wisdom because I felt myself start to panic. 1 Timothy 1:1 says “Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, by the commandment of God our Savior and the Lord Jesus Christ, our hope.” Psalm 37:3-7a Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him and Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. After I laid this before the Lord and went to the Word, I began a large study and research project on sexual sin for the sake of my children, and those whom they would help in the future with their testimony of freedom.

As a family, our help could only come from a Biblical perspective. At the time, we did not understand Nouthetic counseling or Biblical counseling. This crisis in our home with our children was the beginning of the journey of understanding man’s wickedness and his responsibility for sin, and repentance in a deeper way, as well as the inerrancy of the Scriptures. Pure Life Ministries, located in Dry Ridge Kentucky, was our first contact with any ministry dealing with sexual sin. A counselor on the phone told me their program was for ages sixteen and older because of the nature of the sin. Since our son Skylar was only fourteen, it created a problem. They did allow us to receive their “Overcomers At Home” program, and we implemented it right away. We began reading books on sexual sin starting with Steve Gallagher’s “At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry.” My eyes were opened to all the perversity of man and woman for that matter.

The year prior we had completely removed television from our home. We considered that our home was our only place of refuge from the worldly influences but this was just the beginning of “cleaning house”. We had the actual TV set, but only watched news. All other programs were not allowed. The television then became our guest, rather than the hostess, and we had certain expectations of it within our home. We quickly ended its control and dominance over our home and lives.

The next step was to meet with Joe Dallas, a counselor that helps pastors and their families. Since his office was right up the street from us, he agreed to meet with us personally. He met with Skylar and Eric for about 4 meetings. During that time, we devoted ourselves to our children as their counselors and envisioned all of them walking in freedom. Rather than despairing, we spoke out and prayed that they would all come to know the Lord personally and live lives holy, blameless, and pleasing to Him. First off, we started with teaching our children about a real and vital relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. And secondly, we taught ourselves about our own foolishness as parents, removing our old thoughts of what godly parenting should be, and replacing them with a Biblical means of training them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

We came to discover that although our children were in a Pastoral home, they too were victims of the depravity of man and were sinners from birth. They too, needed a Savior to cleanse them. Growing up in the church did not make them immune to iniquity. The Lord showed us that even in the church, a battlefield secretly lies in wait for the souls our children.

Hypocrisy in the Church

Today the church is characterized by much confusion about the role of the mother as well as what it means to be a godly woman. What the scriptures teach so plainly and simply is twisted beyond recognition by those who refuse to submit to God’s Word. The world has permeated the church and is leading women off course, teaching them to dismiss the biblical pattern for motherhood. I did this myself while “claiming” to be godly; my pursuits were the world and trying to become a third class “male” instead of a first class woman by competing to become more successful. In Nancy Levant’s Cultural Devastation of American Women she says this:

“American children do not have happy homes. They are television and computer addicts thanks, primarily, to mothers. So sorry, but facts are facts. American children have so many video games, movies, and “equipment,” that we now have to have “media rooms” to contain the sheer numbers of purchases made to very purposefully ignore our children. Then add to the mix that American women can’t and don’t cook. They don’t know how, and furthermore, between jobs, beauty and “health” regimens, and chronic diets, today’s mothers feel like crap most of the time, which translates into anger in the home. Just ask dad (or boyfriend).”

Much attention has been placed on the messages that the media sends to young girls about their bodies, and rightly so. What about the messages from mom? Youth workers are noticing that more and more moms seem to be competing with their teenage daughters for the perfect body, and wearing the clothes that show off their efforts. Girls are struggling to keep up. With bodies that change faster than they can handle, and certainly more unpredictably than their mothers’, adolescent girls may find themselves in a losing race with their moms to be more sexy. http://www.cyfm.net/article.php?article=new_twists.html

Other Church Headlines and Statistics

*Church forces out Haggard for ’sexually immoral conduct’ http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/11/03/haggard.allegations/index.html

*March, 2007: At a small Christian conference in Austria, 75% of the 25 men in attendance admitted to being involved with porn; 50% within the past 6 months.

*April 6, 2007: 70% of Christians admitted to struggling with porn in their daily lives. From a non-scientific poll taken by XXXChurch, as reported by CNN.

*August 7,2006: 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography. 60% of the women who answered the survey admitted to having significant struggles with lust; 40% admitted to being involved in sexual sin in the past year; and 20% of the church-going female participants struggle with looking at pornography on an ongoing basis.
From the results of a ChristiaNet poll reported by Marketwire.com

*In December of 2000, the National Coalition to Protect Children and Families surveyed 5 Christian Campuses to see how the next generation of believers was doing with sexual purity:
48% of males admitted to current porn use
68% of males said they intentionally viewed a sexually explicit site at the school

*Roger Charman of Focus on the Family’s Pastoral Ministries reports that approximately 20 percent of the calls received on their Pastoral Care Line are for help with issues such as pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.

*A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.

*In 2000 Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a sexually explicit Web site. Of those who had visited a porn site, 53% had visited such sites “a few times” in the past year, and 18% visit sexually explicit sites between a couple of times a month and more than once a week.

*Out of 81 pastors surveyed (74 males 7 female), 98% had been exposed to porn; 43% intentionally accessed a sexually explicit website
National Coalition survey of pastors. Seattle. April 2000.

*In his book, “Men’s Secret Wars”, Patrick Means reveals a confidential survey of evangelical pastors and church lay leaders. Sixty-four percent of these Christian leaders confirm that they are struggling with sexual addiction or sexual compulsion including, but not limited to use of pornography, compulsive masturbation, or other secret sexual activity.

What do our “Christian” homes have in them? Is it the world’s standards or the Word’s standards? We have missed it as Christians and as Christian parents. “We have learned to live with unholiness and have come to look upon it as the natural and expected thing.” A. W. Tozer , The Knowledge of the Holy, Harper & Row Publishers, 1961, p. 103.

Television

*This generation views 16 to 17 hours of television each week and sees on average 14,000 sexual scenes and references each year. That’s more than 38 references every day. www.battlecry.com

“Television plays a central role in most youngsters’ social lives, providing the fuel for conversations and peer group cohesiveness.” — Nancy Signorielli, professor of communications at the University of Delaware. (Planned Parenthood website, September 9, 2005)

*Satan is succeeding through television in a way not possible by any other kind of invasion. Set the Trumpet to Thy Mouth David Wilkerson p 75.

*The Barna survey discovered that the most widely purchased media by Christian parents in the past year were DVDs of movies and TV programs. More than three out of four Christian parents (78%) had purchased such disks for their teenagers and almost nine out of ten Christian parents (87%) had purchased DVDs for their children under 13. However, one-quarter of those adults (26%) did not feel comfortable with the DVD products they purchased. (www.barna.org)

*The average teenager spends three to four hours per day watching television and 83% of the programming most frequently watched by adolescents contains some sexual content.
Gary Rose, CEO of The Medical Institute, as reported by Focus on the Family 7/8/2005

Internet

This generation spends three hours a day online and is the first to grow up with point-and-click pornography. Almost 90 percent of teens have viewed pornography online at one of the 300,000 adult websites, most while doing homework. www.battlecry.org

*Parents today are less likely to say that the internet has been a good thing for their children than they were in 2004. However, this does not mean there was a corresponding increase in the amount of parents who think the internet has been harmful to their children. Instead, the biggest increase has been in the amount of parents who do not think the internet has had an effect on their children one way or the other. Fully, 87% of parents of teenagers are online — at least 17% more than average adults. www.pewinternet.org/ppf/r/225

*The pornography that is seeping into popular youth culture today is dangerous on a variety of levels. In terms of the brain itself, Yale researchers found that teens are more vulnerable to forming addictions than adults, according to a Yale news release of June 18, 2003. http://www.obscenitycrimes.org/espforparents/espforparents2004-06.cfm

*38 percent of adults believe it is ‘morally acceptable’ to look at pictures of nudity or explicit sexual behavior
Morality Continues to Decay. Barna Research Group, 3 November, 2003

*59 percent of adults believe it is ‘morally acceptable’ to have sexual thoughts or fantasies
Morality Continues to Decay. Barna Research Group, 3 November, 2003.

*38 percent of adults believe there is nothing wrong with pornography use
Morality Continues to Decay. Barna Research Group, 3 November, 2003.

*42 percent of surveyed adults indicated that their partner’s use of pornography made them feel insecure.
Marriage Related Research, Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D. Christian Counseling Today, 2004 Vol. 12 No. 1.

*March, 2007: At a small Christian conference in Austria, 75% of the 25 men in attendance admitted to being involved with porn; 50% within the past 6 months.
Music

More than 25 percent of teen-targeted radio segments contain sexual content; 42 percent of the top selling CDs contain sexual content.

The Christian music that some of the youth listens to looks and feels culturally relevant however is it reverencing the Lord Jesus? There are so many who have opinions about worship and the youth are very much attracted to music but at what expense? The covers to some of the Christian albums leave little to be desired.

It has been noted today that even in worship a premium is placed on spontaneity and feel good emotions, make anybody that walks in off the street comfortable. Being comfortable is the primary virtue. “We want you to feel accepted, warm, sit down, how can we help you feel completely and totally at ease” Yes, it is important to feel welcome but that is “seeker-sensitive” worship where you are sensitive to the needs of the people coming off the street. The Church does not want to be “seeker-hostile” but at the cost of true worship where we should feel slightly uncomfortable at the presence of Almighty God. Generally speaking, today’s youth ministry leaders and worship bands will take anyone and not question their lifestyle or require a working out of their salvation with fear and trembling as Philippians 2:12 says.

Advertising

With more than $128 billion dollars in their pockets, this generation has been targeted by corporate America, who does everything it can to grow brands and profits without any regard to the moral decay of a generation.

A focus on being “sexy” starts even younger. Several years ago, Mattel introduced a version of Barbie called “Lingerie Barbie.” Although toymaker Mattel stated the doll was for ages 14 and up, the average market for Barbie is ages 8 to 12. The product description shows how children are forced to confront sexuality issues: “Barbie exudes a flirtatious attitude in her heavenly merry widow bustier ensemble accented with intricate lace and matching peekaboo peignoir.” http://www.realtruth.org/articles/071129-003-iltsoy.html

Victoria’s Secret’s Pink line, launched in 2004, has bloomed into a $1 billion brand. The company publicly promotes Pink to college kids, but dog prints, slumber party pj’s, sweats aping soccer attire, camis and panties in ice cream-cone packaging suggest a decidedly younger demographic. (http://www.philly.com/philly/entertainment/columnists/20071031_Karen_Heller___Naughty_-_and_definitely_not_nice.html)

Virtually every media form studied provides ample evidence of the sexualization of women, including television, music videos, music lyrics, movies, magazines, sports media, video games, the Internet, and advertising (e.g., Gow, 1996; Grauerholz & King, 1997; Krassas, Blauwkamp,& Wesselink, 2001, 2003; Lin, 1997; Plous & Neptune, 1997; Vincent, 1989;Ward, 1995). Some studies have examined forms of media that are especially popular with children and adolescents, such as video games and teen-focused magazines.

In study after study, findings have indicated that women more often than men are portrayed in a sexual manner (e.g., dressed in revealing clothing, with bodily postures or facial expressions that imply sexual readiness) and are objectified (e.g., used as a decorative object, or as body parts rather than a whole person). In addition, a narrow (and unrealistic) standard of physical beauty is heavily emphasized. These are the models of femininity presented for young girls to study and emulate. http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/sexualizationsum.html

What is the Solution?

A biblical worldview is the ideal context for developing biblical convictions. “The desire to be like Christ is what motivates a believer to separate himself from the world. Alexander McLaren rightly said: “the measure of our discord with the world is the measure of our accord with Christ” Steve Gallagher, Intoxicated with Babylon, Pure Life Ministries, 1996 p 79. Christian parents have been asleep for too long and while we have been chasing our dreams and becoming more self centered than ever, our children have been suffering all under the guise of thinking that this culture will not influence them.

As parents you need to go through every area of your lives and approach it from a biblical perspective and matched it up with God’s Word. What does Gods Word say about music? What does Gods word say about entertainment, internet, wisdom in buying, wisdom in school, wisdom in being diligent and are you preparing them to be godly citizens on the earth? Just as quoted in Counseling, How to Counsel Biblically, John MacArthur, Nelson Publishers, 2005 p39, “The Bible is not an encyclopedia of counseling topics that lists every particular counseling problem but it does contain sufficient revelatory data to establish an effective world view framework for the diagnosis and remedy of every problem”. Began to teach each child they have a personal responsibility to be saved. They could not live on our “Christian” coattails at all and that hell was real. Your home is should be based on Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NKJ which says “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” To answer the question “When a boy or girl grows up in a believing household does this mean he or she will not be hit by snares that could threaten him or her?” it would be yes, however, if you are prepared better earlier and with your eyes wide open the struggle might not be as deep.